Fifty Shades of Grey – Um, There’s No Words

……because I laughed through the whole movie. To quote a friend, “This movie is awkward.”

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First, I am a huge fan of the books. I realize that they are not literary masterpieces, but the story was unique and fun to read. I went into this movie knowing this was not going to win Oscars, but I was so disappointed by the screenplay and acting. In fact, there were moments I was so embarrassed for the actors that I just wanted the scenes to stop!

Regarding the screenplay, there is not enough dialogue between the characters and fails to produce a love story between an innocent finding her voice and a misguided man learning to love. Vital points in the book were left out, some scenes were oddly placed and I was truly missing Ana’s inner-dialogue/inner-goddess to help explain her feelings. Most of the time, I thought these two people did not like each other.

Also, besides there being absolutely no chemistry between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, I think they attended the Joey Tribbiani School of Dramatic Arts (smell the fart acting). However, Dakota Johnson does do a good job of bringing Ana to life; but Jamie Dornan is so stiff (pun intended) and fails to be Christian the “asshole”. When Jamie tries to use the word “fuck” or any dirty language…it seems forced and too polite. This saddens me because his performance in The Fall (BBC) was incredible. He had a hard time hiding his hot Irish accent; and he was completely uncomfortable in all the sex scenes.

Things to take away:

1. The sex scenes are not hot and anti-climatic (pun very much intended).

2. The background music in the entire movie is cheesy.

3. The movie just stops! Again, very anti-climatic!

4. Dakota Johnson should never dance and she likes to be naked.

5. Jamie Dornan looks amazing without clothes (highlight of the movie).

6. Do not watch this movie unless you have read the books.

7. Every time Jamie Dornan uses dirty language, it makes me giggle.

8.¬†You will find yourself telling the movie “that didn’t happen that way” or “that happened in the second book.”

9. If your husband/boyfriend is hoping for a downstream effect from their wives/girlfriends watching a hot movie, they would have better luck after an episode of General Hospital or Young & the Restless.

10. The saving grace was watching the movie with friends and giggling like a school girl because the movie is so bad it’s funny. And yes, I am seeing it again tonight.

Will I see Fifty Shades Darker and Freed? Of course, but my expectations will be very low and it will just be another fun GNO!

Enjoy the movie!